what you can learn on the internet

it's interesting. i google all sorts of stuff (in fact, i might even be addicted to the google.) from baby soap ingredients, to amino acids for treating depression. i figure, i've learned more in a few years on the internet, than i did in most of my formal schoolin'.

since i had peanut, i've gotten involved in a few 'mommy boards', like babycenter, and mothering. (mostly mothering these days. more hippies, and a much wider selection of information.)

from mothering, i learned about researching vaccinations, not circumcising boys, breastfeeding till they're old enough to tell you it tastes like strawberries, and not beating the shit out of your kid. there, i found a community that gave voice to those things i was thinking, but never seeing put into practice in my social circle (since i was the first to get knocked up, that makes sense.)

anyway, after peanut was about 9 or 10 months old, i finally ventured out beyond the 'baby' forums. i discovered a 'dreadhead' tribe, and lurked there pretty intensely until i decided to lock. (and so now i'm getting to my point.)

today, i did a deep clean on my locks, soaking them in apple cider vinegar and baking soda, tea tree oil and lemon juice. (this gets any shampoo build up out, which is nice, since even 'residue free' shampoo leaves some reside behind.) anyway, i've done this 3 or 4 times over the lifetime of my dreds, but i've never bothered to write that shit down. so i ventured back into the dready tribe, to find the proportions to make the soak.

and here's what i learned on the internet today.

i learned that some significant others are assholes, and won't 'let' their partners have dreadlocks. or, they keep quiet during the locking process, and then make passive agressive snarky remarks about the immature locks.

i learned that even though sometimes, i want to strangle gene for being too nice (esp. when it comes to his job), i am really, truely fortunate, because i get to spend the rest of my life with someone who's biggest 'flaw', is being a sweetheart. because not only does he say nice things about my hair, he helps me maintain it, and he did all the backcombing and stuff to get them started.

so, on the internet, i learned one more reason why i love my babydaddy.

damn hippies.

so, spring has sprung, and all that. we're in the process of pulling our yard together, and raking up all the leaves from over the fall/winter. (and there are a LOT since we have like, 10 oak trees.) rather than taking all these leaves to the dump, and taking up more than our fair share of landfill, we've decided to start a compost heap. we figure, since we've got half an acre, if we do it at the back of our property, it's not a huge project, we can just, literally, make a heap. i learned today, that, in addition to fruits, veggies, and coffee, you can compost paper towels, shredded black and white newspaper, toilet paper tubes, tea bags, leather watch straps, and all sorts of other totally random stuff. which is awesome. i mean, we use a dishcloth, mostly, but for grody bits, like chicken juice, i do revert to the papertowels for wiping stuff up. so, it's nice to know that i can do that, and then compost the paper towel, thus keeping it out of the landfill. woohoo!

and my mom is back to doing some gardening, so today, she and peanut planted 3 new azalea bushes out front. peanut is turning out to have quite the green thumb. i'm sure this makes my mom happy, since it totally skipped a generation. (altho, to that end, my cacti from last mothers day aren't dead yet, and we got some more over the course of the year, plus my aloe is actually, like, bigger, and even needed to be repotted. yay!)

and in the process of learning about compost, i discovered rainbarrels. now, the commercial ones seem absurdley expensive. it seems to me, that if i can find a plastic barrel, like those old batter barrels, with a lid, then we could get a plastic shower drain thingy, drill a hole in the lid, fasten the shower drain to it, and put a spigot down at the bottom of the barrel. we've got left over caulking from the birdbath, so i'm betting we could do the whole thing for less than like, 30 bucks. anyway, the idea, is that you put the bucket under your downspout, and when it rains, the water is caught in the barrel, and then you use that for watering your plants, washing your car, watering the compost heap, washing off outdoor furniture, or whatever. since we're actually, like, using the yard and stuff, i can see the benefit of having some non-hose water to do stuff with. i like my 17 dollar water bill, and i'm all about keeping it that way, right?

plus, this last week, i went through peanuts toys. cuz, really? she had a TON of shit. i seperated out the baby toys that we can reuse with niblette, and then purged THREE giant green garbage bags of toys and books. the salvation army is going to need a whole corner, i think. the interesting thing, is now that she has less stuff, she plays more. aaaaaaand, she's better at cleaning up without step-by-step instructions now. no more 'pick up the elephant. put it in the basket.' now she knows she's got a snuggly toy basket, and a hard toy basket, and a blocks basket. and she puts stuff away where it goes! hurrah! (she does still make me play bananaphone while she cleans, tho. and so i still want to rip my ears off and stick them in a blender. but at least her room is clean.)

and, round of applause, i'm caught up on my laundry! (thanks mom!) i moved the uncomfortable-while-pregnant clothes out of rotation.

oh! and, gene's mom LOVED her flowerpots. which, now that i type that, i don't think i blogged that project. for mothers day, peanut painted some flowerpots (and we decoupaged one, but i'm attached to it, since it was her first decoupage, so i kept that one) and we went to lowes and she picked out the flowers she wanted to send to her gram. we're supposed to be going to visit them in june, so maybe she'll get to help plant them.

all in all, i'm feeling the crunchy love vibes. (and i think i'm nesting. but shh.)

so now, i leave you with a random assortment of pictures, focusing mainly on yard work, and flowerpot creation. but some cuteness has been added for good measure. cuz, who can resist that grin?

martha stewart is so jealous. (so's her mom).

some of you have been privvy to my incessant rambling this last month, about solar fountains, terra cotta pots, and the best waterproofing stuff that won't kill birds. and finally, after hours of internet research, painting, decoupage, waterproofing, and batting my eyelashes at gene so he'd do the measuring/centering and the caulking, the birdbath is done. here is a combo blog/tutorial, in case you feel inspired to make your own.

first, you need supplies.

2 terra cotta trays. (available in the plant dept. at lowes and other fine stores.)
4 8 inch terra cotta pots. (also lowes.)
1 optional dish garden style tapered bowl with drainage hole.
--if you go with the dish garden, also get 1/4 inch nylon bushings (4) (also lowes)
acrylic paint
waterproofing sealant
rubber gloves
construction adhesive (caulk, preferably clear)
foam brushes
*if you choose to decoupage, you also need groovy paper, mod podge, and foam brushes*
10 lb free weight plate (optional, but recommended if you live in tornado alley or hurricane country like i do.)

okay. now that you've got your shit together, here's what you do.

paint your trays and pots. i used 1 bottle of yellow acrylic paint, watered down with maybe 1/4 cup water, to give it a texturey wash sort of look.



if you are artsy-fartsy, you could like, paint flowers or something. i am not artsy, so i just painted them yellow, cuz it feels springy. we used a combination of paper-towels and finger/hand painting to get that texture.

after you get the stuff painted, decide if you're going to decoupage the inner tray and optional bowl. if you are, get your groovy paper, and cut out little squares, or whatever. we used squares of about six coordinating patterns. get your mod podge, and your foam brush. paint a little mod podge in the tray, stick the paper down, and repeat. then, when you've got it all down where you want it, go over it again with the mod podge. let it dry (while it's drying, if you chose the optional bowl topper, start decoupaging that.) and then add a second coat. make sure you press out all the air pockets.




once you have it painted and decoupaged, and everything is all nice and dry, (24-48 hours, depending on how humid your climate is) get your waterproofing sealant, rubber gloves, and foam brushes. (not the same brushes you decoupaged with. clean ones.) make sure your little ones are occupied for at least 45 minutes. (i recommned noggin, for all your brain deadening needs.) paint the waterproofing sealant on the insides and outsides of the pots. paint each piece once, and then go back and do a second coat. use even strokes, cuz some of that stuff dries so you can see the brush strokes. let it set up for 24 hours. (make sure if you leave it outside, that it's not going to get rained on. try keeping it in a garage, or shed, if possible, just in case.)

then, take your top tray and one 8 inch pot. use construction adhesive (caulk) to attach the open/rimmed edge of the pot, to the center of the tray. (this is where measuring comes in handy. find the center in whatever way works for you.) set those 2 pieces aside.

take your bottom tray, and (if using the optional weight plate for a weighted base, use your caulk to glue the weight to the INSIDE of the tray. wait at least 30 minutes (or however long your caulk advises) before flipping the tray over.) take one 8 inch pot, and find the center of your tray. caulk the open/rimmed edge of the pot to the tray. take another 8 inch pot, and caulk the closed end/bottom of the pot to the closed end of the pot on the tray. then, take your last pot, and caulk the open/rimmed edge to the open/rimmed edge. and then caulk your top pot/tray (the bit that you started with, and caul the closed/bottom to the closed bottom.

so, it goes upside down tray, upside down pot, right side up pot, upside down pot, right side up pot, right side up tray. let your caulk set up for at least 24 hours, away from rain. (shed or garage, or, cover it with a tarp.)

if you decide to do the optional bowl, caulk the 1/4 inch bushings to the bottom of it, to allow water to be in both the bowl and the tray at the same time.

fill bowl with water. wait for birds.

open letter to corporate architects

dear person who designs building layouts,

i feel like i might be over-stepping, given that all of my CAD classes were ones that i was in while cutting algebra, and i basically flunked my technical drawing classes, cuz they were the last period of the day, and, well, everyone knows that's when you get the best end-of-day-sales on dimebags in stairwell G.

that being said, i have some things i think might help you be more efficient at your chosen profession.

when you're designing, say, a bar, the location of the bathroom is important, but not crucial. one would hope that it would be close enough to the bar to avoid any drunken accidents, but you know, it IS a bar after all.

or an office building. i'm pretty sure the standard is one or two on each floor, plus one in the cafeteria, (especially if your cafeteria plans on 'mystery meat and succotash tuesdays'.)

but when you are planning a bookstore, with a large, dedicated childrens section, putting the bathroom on the ENTIRE OPPOSITE SIDE AND END of the store is just sadistic and cruel. to wit. imagine you've got a 3 year old, who is enthralled with 'the pigeon wants a puppy'. and you are six months pregnant, and have stopped off in the bookstore, because you know they have chairs! chairs!!! where you can sit! so you're sitting, after 6 hours of shopping. with a 3 year old. and did i mention that you're 6 months pregnant? which means that you basically look (and feel) like you're housing a small panamanian family under your shirt. and then you hear, 'i better poop, before i poop in my panties!' so, you pitch the book aside, and take said toddler by the hand. you breeze past your partner, and almost bowl over a cute, but VERY SLOW set of year-old twins. you toss a 'sorry! potty!' over your shoulder at the mother who is looking at you with that 'i will never let my kid wait THAT LONG to poop' look, and you're thinking 'HA! and i only had to potty train one kid. bitch.'

and, dear architect, i know that it is not your fault that bookstores eschew straight lines in favor of serpentine, labyrinthine layouts, requiring lots of weaving through the aisles, and past display tables, all full of interesting, shiny things that can distract a ground-level 3 year old. but this just brings me back to my point. because after you make that long and winding marathon trek across the store, with the wind at your back, and a lump of scatalogical terror in your throat, and you've pantsed your kid and plunked her on the potty, and all she does is fart?

you basically want everyone involved in the store layout to die a painful, eyes pecked out by angry roosters sort of death.

y'all know i don't church. but if i did, it'd be with this brother right here.

soundbytes aren't ever the whole story. we're so quick to damn a reverend for anti-white, anti-american statements...even when the man is quoting a white ambassador from faux, i mean, fox news.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QOdlnzkeoyQ (this is the 'chickens are coming home to roost 9/11 sermon, it's about 10 minutes long, and well fucking worth it.)

this is the 'goddamn america' sermon, and again, i say unto y'all, context makes a world of difference.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RvMbeVQj6Lw

if you're interested in coming to your very own conclusions about reverend doctor jeremiah wright, instead of assuming the worst out of every angry nigrah you encounter, i encourage you to peep the trinity UCC youtube channel.

http://www.youtube.com/user/TRINITYCHGO

well, you know, gestation takes a lot of damn energy.

so it's not like i haven't wanted to blog. i have. but this fetus? he is eating my brain. and my usually pithy self has been reduced to occasionally over-zealous endorsements of cheetos, jalepeno poppers, and barack obama. all three of those things, have made the last four months of dry heaves, all-day sickness, and general maliase, totally worth it. (you know, so has the prospect of niblet, of course, but that's one of those things i presume is assumed...) anyway.

the only thing more annoying than losing 20 pounds while pregnant? (cuz, you know, you're SUPPOSED to get bigger..but i've always been a rebel...) hillary freakin clinton. seriously. in 2003, when we were betting on who would run, my boyfriend and i were in a heated argument over hillary. he said that, no matter what, he'd never vote for her. i told him he was being stubborn, and probably a little bit sexist. and he laid out his reasons, which had to do with shady politics, and underhanded dealings, and 'issues' that were never resolved in the media to any great satisfaction. (to his credit, he didn't bring up vince foster or the blow job once.) i told him that he'd been paying attention to CONSERVATIVE media, and that, while BILL might be a shady assface, hillary just wanted to help the women and kids!

boy is my face red. i actually said yesterday, for the first time, 'if that heifer gets the nomination in november, i will stay the fuck home.' and gene was like, 'wait. you told me back in the day that you WANTED a woman president! and i know you love you some obama, but not voting? really?' and the answer, ladies and germs, is yup. well, if cynthia mckinney manages to stay on the green ballot, i'd vote for her. but the salient point is, i will NOT vote for hillary rodham clinton come hell or high water. that heifer is on notice.

i was mad about South Carolina. i was mad, but i was like, okay. after this backlash, they'll settle the hell down. nope. here comes bob johnson. here comes charlie 'uncle ruckus' rangel. here comes stephanie tubb jones (who better watch herself, cuz she's up for re-election soon, and black folks are gunnin for her ass-i promise she'll have a primary challenger this time around.) and you know, now it's not a mistake. the muslim email in iowa. it was a low level staffer...i could see it as a mistake. your boy who was like 'they'll call him a drug dealer!' was a surrogate, and i thought, well...maybe that's coming from his own media-fed paranoia of the scary black drug dealer. she fired him too. but after SC, she established a damn pattern. dismissing states with more than like, 3 black folks. waiting until she was at the state of the black union to give a half assed apology for her dumbassed husband. (although, if he were DUMB, i'd forgive him! but his ass grew up in the south! he's dealt with black voters all his political life. so that comparison to jesse jackson was a calculated as a math problem.) the muslim garb photo--even if she didn't release it, here comes stephanie tubb jones AGAIN talking some 'he should be proud of his 'native garb'!' bitch, his native garb is khaki's and a damn polo shirt. he was born in the USA just like bruce springsteen, so STFU. omg.

then on CNN, she's all 'he's not a muslim...AS FAR AS I KNOW'. well. hillary isn't making backroom deals with the canadian government to smear obama...AS FAR AS I KNOW. she's a lawyer. she knows the power of a good qualifier. that left just enough wiggle room. karl rove is prolly taking fucking notes for november.

and then she blacked him up in her TV ad. and not only did she make his ass darker, but she made his face squatter, and his nose wider.

i love black features. i love african beauty. i am proud of my nose, and my lips, and my hips, and my dreds, and i even bought that 'black is beautiful' t-shirt back in the 90s.

but she tried to make that shit ugly. forget the outright race-baity ignorance of it all. she tried to turn this beautiful black man, into a stereotype. the scary black man meme.

fuck her all the way to denver, america. show her racialicious ass that we love obama. we love him lightskinned, and we love him as the 'skurry negrObama'. and we won't support ANYONE, republican OR democrat, who tries to win the presidency on the backs and souls of black folks, while simultaneously telling white folks 'be scared of obama. be scared of muslims. brown people are dangerous. they will break into your house at 3am and eat your babies! rawr!'

now that i've riled you all the way up, go donate 10 dollars to my halfrican hero. barackobama.com

why i love me some dick gregory, and also redlasso

preach it out loud, yo.