who knew?

apparently, among the hordes of mommy bloggers, there is strife and drama. i had no idea, until i read about it over at verymom. it makes you wonder tho, i mean, we're all women, who are writing about ourselves, and our families, and we're writing to keep the badmen out of our minds at 4am, and we're writing to remember the dinosaur snuffles and the hands like starfish that hold tight to our fingers, we're writing because our hearts and our heads are too full, and blogspot is nice enough to provide us with a free place to dump all the excess so we can work on being present with our children and our significant others. so what's the dilly with the drama? i don't get it. but some people are taking their blogs down, and going on hiatus, and so forth. and i guess, maybe because i have such a small readership, maybe i don't feel quite as obligated to post daily. i mean, if i posted daily, a lot of it would be 'hey! i actually got my teeth brushed today!' or 'how many times can a toddler look surprised when you take the remote control away from them? a million!' so, you know, my blog, such as it is, stays relatively fresh, and interesting, at least to me. and honestly, my biggest reason for starting a blog, was to document my life as a new mom, in such a way, that i could eventually print it all off, and give it to peanut. because, there are so many things. so many things, about being a mom, that i think it's so easy to forget. those first 2 weeks, where you look at that tiny baby face, and you just sob because you can't ever imagine yourself worthy enough to take care of her. those hazyfuzzed nights where you're tired, and milkstained, and you've sung every single solitary jodi watley song ever written, but you wouldn't trade it for the world, because right in the middle of 'i'm lookin for a new love' she smiles at you, really smiles at you, for the first time, and you first you think 'was that gas?' and then you think 'please let me live forever, so i don't ever have to not know that smile'. but there's the other stuff too. the being so tired that you actually ponder faking insanity so that you'll have to be admitted to a hospital, and you might actually get eight hours of sleep without someone stretching your nipple halfway to uruguay. the period of adjustment as you go from two people to three. from being the center of the universe, to being a moon. but all of it is being a mommy. all of it. and nothing is perfect. nothing is wonderful all the time. but the metaconcept of being peanuts mama, that i can get behind. sometimes the day to day of it all makes me long for the days where tequila wasn't a four letter word. but sometimes, in the thick of it, right when she's bumped her head, or has a cold, and she's got her tiny bird arms around my neck, and she's holding on like she's sinking and i'm the lifeboat, those times, i wonder how it is possible, that my ribs haven't split apart to make more room for my heart, which must surely be near to exploding by now.

so, i'm not involved in the drama, but reading about it, made me appreciate why i blog, and more, it made me appreciate the existence of blogs, period. because i suck at paper and pen journaling.

things which make a day complete

BABYLEGS!! thanks to the lovely mama c-ta, i am now the proud owner of three pair. hurrah! huzzah! and when i get a chance (and, of course, a cute photo op) i will be posting pix of the babylegs, on my adorable baby.

new peanutty pix!

i wish i were a man

because, i have my period, i'm not feeling the nursing love today. because i have my period, i have a the one migraine i still get a month. because i have my period, i'm grumpier than i would be otherwise.

but i have a migraine. and i worked today, taking care of two babies, with said migraine, and i still got laundry done, (diaper and otherwise) and dinner made (pork roast and veggies) paid bills, etc. and now, it is 1 am, and i have to do it all over again tomorrow. and gene has to work tomorrow too. and i was sleeping on the couch (with the peanut at first, and then she got up to hang with him for like, an hour) anyway, so he wakes me up...knowing i have a migraine...not to tell me to go sleep in the bed...but so HE can go to bed.

testicles apparently mean unabashed sense of entitlement.

flippin sweet...

i never win anything. well..in elementary school, i won a readathon. i got a shiny purple huffy bike, 2 wheeler, with pink and purple ribbon fluttering from the handlebars. it had a pristine white seat, matching white tires. a little place for a canteen (well. THEY said canteen. i say water bottle.)it was beautiful. my mother wouldn't let me ride it. it sat, mocking me, in the dining room of our home, for a year. finally, my erstwhile cousin convinced her to let me ride it, but only in the playground across from our house. and so i'd bounce that shiny purple beauty down our front steps, walk it across the street, and ride around in circles for hours. hours. seriously. little 5 ft. diameter circles. i'd have to stop every fifteen minutes or so, and let the dizziness pass.

and one time, i called a radio station cuz they were giving away 25 weezer concert tickets. i was caller 26. i still went to the show tho. just not for free.

so, like i said, i never win anything. until today, that is! thanks to mama c-ta over at urban baby runway i've won a brand new car! no. not really. it's better than that. it's babylegs! which are going to come in especially handy what with the cloth diapering and all. not to mention that they're disgustingly adorable. if i'm reading it correctly, i think i actually won a grand prize. a GRAND prize! i never win anything! and i win a GRAND prize. as per my title...this is flippin sweet! (mama cta, if you're readin this...you can give the girly ones to the other lady, since her kids look like they're old enough to care what they wear, plus she's got 2 girls, where i only have one. or. you know, do whatever you think is best, with your benevolent badass self.)

so, faithful readers. click on over to urban baby runway and buy stuff. because the more stuff you buy, the more stuff she'll give away free. and maybe you too, can change your life course from LOSER to WINNER in one simple step.

at least she'll be a calm tween

Breastfed babies handle stress better later in life

FRIDAY, Aug. 4 (HealthDay News) — Breastfed babies are better able to cope with stress later in life than babies who are bottle fed, according to a U.K. study.

Researchers analyzed data on almost 9,000 children at birth, and at ages 5 and 10. The information about the children was gathered from parents, teachers, health workers and midwives.

When the children were 10 years old, their teachers were asked to rate the children's anxiety levels, and their parents were interviewed about major family disruption — such as divorce or separation — that occurred when the child was between 5 and 10 years old.

Not surprisingly, high anxiety levels were more common among children whose parents had divorced or separated. However, those who had been breastfed were much less likely to be anxious than those who had been bottle-fed.

The study found that breastfed children whose parents had divorced or separated were almost twice as likely to be highly anxious, while bottle-fed children where more than nine times as likely to be highly anxious than other children.

Even when the researchers factored in other possible influences, the findings held true. However, the results don't actually prove that breastfeeding itself helps children cope better with stress, the study authors said. They say it may be a marker of some other maternal or parental factors that influence a child's response to stress.

For example, the quality of physical contact between a mother and her baby during the first few days of life may influence the development of the child's neural and hormonal pathways involved in the stress response.

The authors also suggested that breastfeeding may affect the quality of bonding between mother and child and the way they relate to one another. This may have an enduring effect on the child's anxiety levels in stressful situations.

The study was published online ahead of its appearance in the journal Archives of Disease in Childhood.

-- Robert Preidt, HealthDayNews

ha! this puts it in perspective

it's a satire on breastfeeding...

The Thing
by Janis Honea
This is a super piece, feel free to share it on the net, but give everyone this info.

From The Compleat Mother, October 97 issue,
RR#3 Clifford, Ontario Canada N0G 1M0
56 pages, sample $4
519-327-8785
email zyoung@wcl.on.ca

On another planet, a young man was preparing for his first sexual encounter. He was nervous, since he had never spoken to anyone who had ever done it successfully. He decided to ask some of his friends about their experiences.

"I really wanted to!" exclaimed one, but my doctor said my penis was too small."

"Really!" interrupted another. "My doctor said mine was too large!"

"I wanted to too, but it turns out I didn't have enough to satisfy her." said another.

"I never wanted to! Its so gross! I'd feel like an animal or something. I know they say that penis is best, but all mine were artificially aroused and they were happy and satisfied," said the oldest in the group.

"Haven't you been divorced seven times?" asked the young man.

"Yes, but that had nothing to do with it." he said.

"I hear you need to toughen it up before you do it. You know, scrub it with a loofah or something." said one friend.

"And you can't let her go for any longer than a couple of minutes at first, or you'll get sore."

"My cousin said it was incredibly painful. He penis cracked and bled. He only lasted a couple of days. Thank God we have alternatives today," said the friend who was "too small."

"I have a friend who did it," said one, almost whispering.

"It seemed like a lot of work to me. Every time I talked to him it seemed like he had just finished or was just about to make love to his wife. I told him surely she was not being satisfied or she wouldn't be wanting it again so soon. I told him he needed to supplement with a vibrator. He wouldn't go for it."

"Well, I really think I want to try." said the young man.

"Good for you!" said his "too big" friend. "But be sure you get her on a schedule or she will manipulate you."

The young man was so confused as he left he decided to ask his physician about it.

"I understand your concern." said his doctor, placing a hand on his shoulder. A lot of men, especially our first timers are unable to meet their women's needs with their penises. Taking classes, reading books, doesn't seem to help. Despite all their best efforts, many men just can't. Its called insufficient penis syndrome. I know you want to try, and I think that is great, but let me send you home with this vibrator just in case. Look, its bent, or angled to insure that you do her in a semi-upright position."

The young man gratefully took the vibrator home and thought about all the things he had heard. When the time finally came he was determined to do it naturally.

He was excited and nervous. He tried to do everything right. He watched the clock and stopped after exactly the prescribed period of time. The event was a humiliating failure. His woman was frustrated and upset. He couldn't understand it. He had done everything he was told to do.

His honey told him she loved him and that his touch was sufficient, and together they would learn to get it right, but the next time she seemed interested he thought, "Just this once I'll use the vibrator. I can't stand the thought of her going unsatisfied.

No one had warned him of the danger of penis confusion. Soon she developed a preference for the vibrator and rejected the penis altogether. In a way, he preferred it too. If he needed to get away sometimes, anyone could satisfy her. And though he heard he should hold her every time to promote bonding, it got easier and easier to prop her in the corner with the vibrator while he went about doing his chores.

It was important for him to keep busy. If allowed time to feel, he always felt vaguely cheated and sad. Being a lover was not at all what he had hoped. He wanted to get away from his wife. He resented her demands and felt inadequate to meet her needs. The closeness that he longed for never developed.

One day he got up the courage to ask his friend for the phone number of the man he knew who "did it."

"Hi," said the young man. "I got your number from a friend. I would like some information on lovemaking. I wasn't able to with my first love and if I ever have another, I really want to make love to her myself."

"How old is your relationship?" asked the man on the phone.

"Just a few months," said the young man sadly.

"Would you like to make love to your wife now? Its not too late!" said the man.

"Do you really think I could?" asked the young man. He felt hopeful for the first time in ages. They talked for some time and the man invited him to a La Cosa League meeting. (La Cosa is Spanish for The Thing, and slang for penis.) La Cosa League was a group dedicated to providing support and information to men who wanted to make love to their women. He was amazed at how many men were doing it and was encouraged by men who had overcome many obstacles to successfully satisfy their wives.

"What do I need to do?" the young man asked, wide-eyed and determined.

"The first thing you need to do, is get rid of the vibrator. The young man did not know how to respond. A rock of nerves formed in the pit of his stomach.

"I couldn't possibly..."

"Now your woman may object a bit, but persevere. She will quickly become accustomed to the feel of your body."

"What if I can't satisfy her?" the young man asked.

The leader assured him that even if it took a while, with practice he should have no trouble.

"Well, how often, and for how long?"

"Take your cues from her," responded one of the men. "Watch your wife, not the clock."

His mind reeled as he drove home. He thought over all the things he had heard. How come no one had ever told him this before? It seemed so radical, but somehow it felt right.

At first his woman was not interested at all in switching. She protested when he offered her the penis. Refused it cold. But with patience and persistence she eventually accepted it.

He was amazed that once she took it, she did not seem to want to let go. He had never been so elated in his whole life. He had done it! He had made love to his wife! With his own body!

The next time his wife requested the vibrator he gently and lovingly offered the penis again. She fussed some but quickly accepted him. He was even more excited than the first time. He had worried then that it was a lucky fluke, but now he believed he really could do it. To his delight, his wife never asked for the vibrator again.

The transformation in his attitude toward his wife was remarkable. He no longer resented midnight lovemaking sessions. He felt a bond with her like he had never known. He didn't want other people satisfying her, and he didn't want to get away. His attitude about himself also changed. He felt so confident and calm. He was not inadequate, and he was not replaceable. He hurt when he thought of all the men who didn't know what he knew. He felt even sorrier for their women. As he watched his wife thrive on his love alone his enthusiasm for lovemaking grew harder and harder to contain. One day while talking with his old friends someone brought up the latest advancement in vibrators. They blithely discussed the merits of the latest tool when he excitedly blurted, "We've thrown ours away."

The room fell silent.

"What?" asked the friend with the "too small" penis.

"We've thrown the vibrator away" he said again.

"Well what do you use then?" asked the friend with the "too large" penis.

"I make love to her myself," he said.

"Why would you want to go and do something like that?"

"Doesn't it hurt?"

"You'll be sorry."

"Oh No! You haven't been hanging around with those fanatics from La Cosa League, have you?" asked his friend who "could not."

"They aren't fanatics," the young man said calmly. "They gave me a lot of good information and I'm very happy with my decision.

The men burst out laughing. "Next thing you know, he is going to stop shaving," joked the divorced one.

"Oh! Or letting her sleep in his bed." roared another.

"You've really done it now," said the "too small" one, sobering up. "What are you going to do if you have to leave her for a while? And you'd better hope she doesn't start biting!"

"Be prepared to give up your life. warned the divorced one.

"Your brain is going to turn to oatmeal."

The young man thought carefully about that and smiled to himself. He didn't feel like he was giving up anything, especially in the light of all he had gained.

"You know," he said, "I think I like it as much as she does."

"Boy, You really are a radical."

kids say the darndest things

i thought i'd list it. because i'm neurotic like that.

mami
daddy
didi (grandma, we're not sure why)
bodo (bongo, our smallest cat)
ditty (kitty)
doose (juice)
shippy (sippy)
neenas (nurse)
ei ei o
nooooo (moo)
yao (meow)
baaa
buh-dee (birdy)
boh (boat)
beesh (beach)
bawk (chicken sound)
bitches
uh oh
oh no
baby
badu (baby doll)
dakka (cracker)
d'oh (when you say 'what does homer simpson say?)
dude (when you say 'what does keanu reaves say?)
duckie
doggie
sheep
yes
no
sizzy (lizzy, her main ho babydoll)
whosa? (who's that?)
stat? (what's that?)
stis? (what's this?)
see?
whadjudoo? (said as all one word, but what did you do?)
stoppa (i'm not sure if its stop that, ot stop it)
up
night night
hi
bye (but not bye bye)
red
boo (blue, and also as in boo! ahh!)
dan (dance)
beebee (belly button)
nose
mou (mouth)
eeez (ears)
ice (eyes)
meena meena (the ma-na ma-na song from the muppet show)
mo (more)
ah dah (all done)
boah (book)
wee (seems to be read, because it's said while flingin a board book at the bridge of my nose)

i'm so tired.

i've talked about gentle discipline before. i've talked about how hitting is bad. i've talked about redirection. and i totally believe everything i've said. but i am seriously considering selling peanut into romanian slavery. she likes to tip the lamps over. this means that, i can't leave her unattended in any room with a lamp anywhere near a piece of furniture she can climb. this means, no peeing by myself, no using noggin as a babysitter while i make dinner. this means that each time i step into the kitchen, i am saying 'not for peanut. please get down.' as she clambers up onto the sofa and peers over her shoulder to see if i'm watching. if i'm not, (or rather, if she can't tell that i am watching) she will lunge for the lamp, or the diaper creme, or my cell phone, or any other myriad of things that i'd rather she not fiddle with. and if i say NO! she jumps like i've goosed her, and then flings herself facedown on the couch and sobs. it's both hysterical, and heartbreaking. but i bet she's worth at least a grand. maybe 2.

awesome

http://celebritybabies.typepad.com/photos/breastfeeding/index.html

me n peanut are on there 3 times. a medal or a cookie if you find us!

lean with it, rock with it

snap yo fingers, snap yo neck. so, as i've mentioned before, peanut loves to dance. and she's getting progressively better at it. the other night, we were watching america's got talent. (shut up. you watch it too.) and there were the irish dancers, and then the little savion glover proteges. and both times, peanut stood infront of the tv, and stomped her feet repeatedly, while waving her arms around, and giggling. SO cute! and, then tonight, she's playing with her incrediblock, and it plays music, right, so she starts doing her little sumo waddle dance, and trying to snap her fingers! oh. my. god! snap her fingers! it was, the cutest thing, i have EVAR seen. what she's actually doing, is making a sort of lobster claw with her middle and index fingers and thumbs. but it's SO clearly an attempt at snapping. i'm overwhelmingly entertained.

gene did the diaper duty today, as it is the weekend. and. he used cloth all day. i'm so proud.

i made some cloth wipes today. it makes sense to me, to use cloth wipes, if i'm using cloth dipes, you know? so i just cut up the old gerber flats we had used as burp cloths when peanut was tiny. they make about 6 wipes a piece, so i've got about 50 wipes. i put them in the pampers tub, with a solution of 2 drops tea tree oil, and 2 drops grapefruit seed extract, and then a cup and some, of water. so far so good. :)

i think that's all i've got for today.

as you can see

from the giant pic in the post below, we've gotten our fluffy mail from debo, and we're cloth diapering full time now. i'm lovin it. no rustley plastickey noises, no harsh chemicals, no dyes, no GEL! gene seems to be making an effort as well. this is good. i feel really good about doing this. we went out yesterday, and she didn't leak anywhere. and she slept a full 12 hours last night, with no leaking. hurrah! this is better than sposies, because she peed thru them a few times (don't tell gene, lol). yeah.

i totally recommend trying the cloth route, if you haven't already. it's not hard. and if you know me, you KNOW how lazy i am. and you know my aversion to laundry. but the nice thing about the dipes, is you don't have to fold them. so it's really just wash/dry/toss in the diaper stacker. so simple! so easy! so good for peanut!

we've tried out a few different methods...we trifolded, and laid it in the wrap, and that works fine. but it makes me nervous. so now we're angelfolding and snappi-ing. it's working good. last night, we angelfolded, with two microfiber inserts, and finished with a super whisper wrap, and it worked out spectacularly! no leaks!

and the poo isn't horrid. i mean, it's formed enough that it can be plucked off the dipe with some toilet paper, and flushed. we've had 2 poops so far. and so far, so good.

and that's my pro cloth post for now. peanut is waking from her nap.

picture pages, picture pages!

new cloth diaper bum!

sitting IN her bookcase, reading

whaddaya mean you don't deliver?

shh ma!  i'm on the phone!

bored

so, i sent gene to the health food store today, for our weekly stock o rice milk. and they had those lil g diapers. which are "flushable" inserts for little pants. so it's like, cloth, with a disposable insert. which i think he'll be more likely to do...and then...once he see's how simple THAT is, he'll make the cloth switch for himself. plus, the gpants are the perfect size for a trifolded prefold. i'll have to take a pic. they're pretty cute. but in the meantime, you can see them at www.gdiapers.com and be jealous.

i feel kinda bad that i let it go this long, without making the switch. it's so hard to find a balance, between keeping peace in the house, and doing what's best for peanut. but after he forgot our anniversary (FIVE! YEARS!) i feel justified in getting me some cloth diapers as a consolation prize.

i'm heading up to pittsburgh in a month (the 30th of aug-6th sep) so all you burgh bitches need to clear your shed-yools.

i don't really have any deep thoughts today. peanut is just as cute as always, and talking more. one of these days, i'm going to write down all of her words/sentences. but not tonight, as i'm lazy.

she's got 16 teeth.

i bought some new burts bees exfoliating shower soap. it smells awesome. while it's lathering, it smells of patchouli (vomit) but once it's dry, it's orange and bergamot. i keep sniffing my arm. it's good no one can see me.

i really want another tattoo. or piercing. gene mentioned he wants to get a labret piercing, and ironically, i'd just been thinking about one of those myself. maybe we'll do that together. at least our healing period would be the same. plus then he'd have to wait till peanut weaned too. *evil laugh*

but anyway. i'm off to read more about diapers.

(anyone else who wants to donate dipes/covers/etc to my cloth stash, feel free to email me!)