yanked from adventures of an AP mama

101 Positive Principles of Discipline
I got this list off of the Greener Pastures message board that you can get to through paxyes rant

1. When/Then - Abuse it/Lose it Principle - "When you have finished your homework, then you may watch TV." (No homework - no TV.)

2. Incompatible Alternative Principle - Give the child something to do that is incompatible with the inappropriate behavior. ("Help me pick out 6 oranges" instead of running around the grocery store.) It?s a good idea to give two positive choices: ?Would you rather pick up the toys in one minute or two?? (?You choose or I?ll choose.?)

3. Extinction Principle - Ignore minor misbehavior that is not dangerous, destructive, embarrassing or an impediment to learning. (Look the other way. Play deaf.)

4. Satiation Principle - Allow the behavior to continue (if it is not dangerous, destructive, embarrassing, or an impediment to learning) until the child is tired of doing it.

5. Make a Big Deal Principle - Make a big deal over responsible, considerate, appropriate behavior - with attention (your eyeballs), thanks, praise, thumbs-up, recognition, hugs, special privileges, incentives (NOT food).

6. Successive Approximations Principle - Don't expect perfection. Acknowledge small steps in the right direction.

7. Encouragement Principle - Give encouragement as often as possible. Help child see the progress he has made. ("You got three spelling words correct. That is better than last week!" "Doesn't it feel good to be able to zip your own zipper, make your own bed, clean up your own spills?")

8. Logical Consequences Principle - Teach the child that behavior has consequences. If she forgets her sweater, she gets cold. If she doesn't do her homework, she faces the teacher's consequences. If her allowance is all gone, she doesn't get a ?slurpee?.

9. Anticipation Principle - Think ahead about whether or not the child is capable of handling the situation. If not, don't take him (expensive restaurants, church, beauty parlor, adult movies).

10. Preparation Principle - Let the child know ahead of time what he can expect. (You will be able to spend "x" amount of money on shoes and may have one drink at the mall.)

11. Follow through/Consistency Principle - Don't let the child manipulate you out of using your better judgment. Be firm (but kind)!

12. Choice Principle - Give the child two choices, both of which are positive and acceptable to you. "Would you rather tiptoe or hop upstairs to bed?" (?You choose or I?ll choose.?) This can be used with spouses. ?The garage needs to be cleaned out. Would you rather do it tonight or Saturday??

13. Humor Principle - Make a game out of it. Have fun. Laugh a lot. ("How would a rabbit brush his teeth?")

14. Wait Until Later Principle - "We'll discuss this at 5:00. We both need time to cool off and think."

15. Wants and Feelings Principle - Allow the child to want what he wants and feel what he feels. Don't try to talk him out of (or feel guilty for) his wants and feelings.

16. Validation Principle - Acknowledge (validate) his wants and feelings. "I know you feel angry with your teacher and want to stay home from school. I don't blame you. The bus will be here in 45 minutes."

17. Owning-the-Problem Principle - Decide who owns the problem - by asking yourself, "Who is it bugging?" If it is bugging you, then you own the problem and need to take responsibility for solving it. Or you can opt to not let it bug you (and let it go), such as in sibling quibbling!

18. I-Message Principle - Own your own feelings. "When you leave wet towels on the bed, the bed gets wet, and ?I feel angry?. I would like for you to hang them on the hook behind the door.

19. Self-correction Principle - Give the child a chance to self-correct. Stop talking, preaching, lecturing and give him space and time. Tell him you will check back with him later.

20. Keep It Simple Principle - "Friends are not for hitting,? "Time for bed." ?Remember the rules,? ?Gentle hands,? ?Walking feet.? Give the child time to obey.

21. Take a Break Principle - Tell the child to "take a break" and think about what he could do differently that would work better or be more constructive. Give him a place to go until he is ready to come back and behave more productively. (This could be a place that you have created in your home or classroom that is comfortable and quiet. A timer is sometimes helpful. The child can determine how long he might need to reflect, refocus and calm down.) The child is in control here. He can decide when he is ready to rejoin the group.

22. Bunny Planet Principle (adapted from Rosemary Wells) - Close your eyes and tell the children that you are going to the bunny planet. Ask them to tell you when they are ready for you to come back (when things are quiet and they are ready to make good choices). If you are at home, you might go to the bathroom and wait for behavior to improve. Take your telephone, radio and books. Do not come out until behavior has changed.

23. Put It In Writing Principle - If child can read, write a note to him, stating your concerns. Ask for an RSVP. Leave "I love you" notes in surprising places.

24. Modeling Principle - Model the behaviors you want. Show the child, by example, how to behave.

25. Demonstrate Respect Principle - Treat the child the same way you do other important people in your life - the way you want him to treat you - and others. (How would I want her to say that to me?)

26. Privacy Principle - NEVER embarrass a child in front of others. ALWAYS move to a private place to talk when there is a problem (especially in a restaurant, grocery store, classroom, shopping mall). Create such a place in your home. Sometimes sitting in the car to talk things over is a good idea.

27. Apology Principle - Apologize easily - when you goof, or "lose it." ("I wish I could erase what I just said." "You must have been scared by my reaction." "I didn't mean to hurt your feelings." "I was wrong." "I'm sorry." Apologize for your child ("I'm sorry he knocked you down"), but DON'T make your child apologize. (You might be making him lie OR think that wrong-doings can be rectified with an apology.)

28. Empowerment Principle - Develop child's competency, skills, mastery, independence. Encourage him to solve his own problems. Let him know that his choices will determine his future.

29. Availability Principle - Make sure that your child always knows where she can turn for help. If you aren't available, be sure someone is. SET ASIDE 15 MINUTES A DAY to spend together. Let her plan how the time is spent.

30. Positive Closure Principle - At the end of the day, remind your child that she is special and loved. Help her to look for something good - about the day that is finished and the day that lies ahead.

31. Don't Put the Cat With the Pigeons Principle - Don't place temptation in front of the child. (Don't leave the candy dish on the table if you don't want the child to have any candy).

32. Do The Unexpected Principle (Dreikurs) - React in a surprising way. Start doing jumping jacks! Clap a familiar rhythm ("Jingle Bells") - to relieve the tension and get some perspective. It is amazing how, when your head is cleared, you can think better and decide on a more rational way to handle this situation.

33. Use Actions Instead of Words (Dreikurs) - Don't say anything. When a child says something inappropriate or hurtful, instead of responding, let the words "hang in the air." Walk away. Take his hand and move to another place. Give him a chance to "hear" what he just said. Very often, he will make an effort to "self-correct" or apologize.

34. Partner/Co-worker Principle - Support your partner/co-worker?s handling of the situation. If you disagree, move away and let him/her follow through. Leave the room, if you are having trouble not interfering. Do not negate or undermine his/her method of discipline in front of the child. If you do, the child will lose respect for both of you. Later, talk it over with your partner/co-worker and let him/her know why you do not support his/her way of handling the situation.

35. Take Time To Teach Principle - Often we expect children to read our minds to know how to do things they have never been taught. Although our expectations may be clear to us, our children may not have a clue.

36. Human Principle - Remember children have feelings too - just like we do. It is in everyone's best interest to treat them as well or better than we treat other people for whom we are not responsible.

37. The Golden Rule Principle (Dreikurs) - Do unto your children what you would have them do unto you! Our children will (eventually) treat us the way we treat them. It pays to take a deep breath and think twice, so that we will tread gently.

38. Bite Your Lip, Take Leave and Stay Home Principle - There is no place like home. Children might be picking up on our high level of stress. The best part of wisdom might be to scuttle our plans and go/stay HOME! Sometimes we need to take a reality check on our priorities.

39. Talk With Them, Not To Them Principle (Dreikurs) - Focus on two way communication rather than preaching to children. Listen as well as talk. Parents and children continue to learn from each other.

40. Have Fun Together Principle (Dreikurs) - Children love to know that they bring us joy and pleasure. Lighten up and have fun.

41. Thinking Principle - Think about your options. Consider the outcome. Will it be positive? How do you want this to turn out?

42. Make A Sacrifice Principle - Sometimes you have to forget your personal desires (talking on the phone, watching a movie, doing your homework) and give full attention to the child.

43. Divide and Conquer Principle - Separate children who are reinforcing each other?s misbehavior. Put adult between 2 children in a restaurant.

44. Babysitter Principle - Get one.

45. Bag It Principle or PTP - Punt the Plan Principle - In the middle of something that is not working ? move on to something else. De-stress yourself.

46. Get Support of Another Person Principle - Ask someone else to help you reinforce the positive behavior.

47. Help Me Out Principle - Elicit the child?s support. Ask her/him to help you out.

48. Common Sense Principle - Use your common sense. Is this reasonable?

49. Change of Environment Principle - If the child?s misbehavior cannot be stopped, move to another room or location. (Go outside.)

50. Prompt and Praise Principle - Explain the expected behavior in a non- critical way and praise child as soon as the behavior occurs.

51. Blame It On The Rules Principle - ?Our school/family rule is to wash your hands before eating.?

52. Turtle Time Principle - Encourage child to withdraw into his ?turtle shell? to calm himself down, to think more clearly, to keep from reacting in a negative way.

53. The Timer Says It?s Time Principle - Invest in individual timers and give one to each family member when you go to a mall together. ?When the timer goes off, we?ll meet back at the entrance.? In a classroom, ?When the timer goes off, you will need to put away your books.?
54. Chill Out Principle - It?s no big deal! Don?t make a mountain out of a molehill. This, too, will pass.

55. Brainstorming Principle - Brainstorm with the child possible solutions to the dilemma, problem or predicament.

56. Hand Gestures Principle - Develop hand gestures which signify, ?Please,? ?Thank you,? ?More,? ?Stop,? ?Be Careful,? and ?Use your words,? and ?No.?

57. Pay Attention Principle - Keep your eyes and mind on what is happening. Don?t wait until child is out of control to step in.

58. Catch the Child Being Good Principle - When the child is exhibiting behavior that makes you proud, be sure to praise, thank, and call attention to it.

59. Sing Principle - Surprise the child by singing what you want him to do. Get in the habit of making up songs (with familiar tunes, i.e. "The Farmer In The Dell," "Jingle Bells,") and using words to describe what you would like the child to do.

60. Shrug Principle - Learn to shrug instead of arguing. The shrug means, "I'm sorry, but that's the way it is - end of discussion."

61. Love Principle - When in doubt, hold the child, hug him and tell him how much you love him.

62. Role-Playing Principle - Ask the child to exchange roles with you. Let him tell you what he would do if he were in your place. (Let him sit in your chair at the dinner table - and show you how s/he perceives you to be and to act.)

63. Thank-you Principle - Thank the child for doing the right thing - before he does it.

64. Frog suit Principle - Teach the child to "put his/her frog suit on." A frog suit protects the child from being hurt by other children's careless or cruel comments.

65. Whisper Principle - Instead of yelling, screaming or talking in a loud voice, surprise the child by lowering your voice to a whisper. This surprise often evokes immediate attention. It also helps you to stay in control and think more clearly.

66. Give Life To An Inanimate Object Principle - Tell the child that "the toothbrush is calling," or "the trash is calling that it wants to be taken out to the curb." Give your voice a believable "squeaky" tone to make it more dramatic (and fun).

67. Best Friend Principle - Elicit help from the child's best friend. Ask the best friend to see if he can encourage the child to "do the right thing."

68. Trust Principle - Let the child know - in many ways and often - that you believe that s/he has a good head on his/her shoulders and that you trust his judgment.

69. Remember Who Are The Grown-ups - Always remember that you are the grown-up and that you are ultimately responsible for the way things turn out. The child does not have your judgment or history of experiences and can't possibly be held responsible for the ultimate outcome.

70. Nip It In the Bud Principle - When you see a child doing something that is dangerous, destructive or embarrassing (to you), take immediate action. Don't let the behavior continue - hoping that it will go away. It usually gets worse, if the child knows you are watching and you are doing nothing about it. It might be that a hand signal is enough - or a "look" that means "stop." It might be that you have a code word, i.e. "red light," that always means "Stop - right now!" You might have to move toward the child, take his hand, and move him to another place. Give the child as little of your attention as possible. Refrain from scolding, preaching, threatening, fussing - or in any other ways - letting the child have your eyeballs and your attention.

71. Talk About Them Positively To Others - Let them overhear you speaking positively about them - bragging about their good qualities and actions - to others.

72. Stay Detached Emotionally - Try to remain objective - with your eye on the goal (self-discipline) and don't let the child "hook" you emotionally - in other words, don't take his/her behavior personally.

73. Teach Your Child To Speak Up To Bullies - Empower your child by role-playing and letting her/him practice speaking up (loudly, if necessary) to bullies. Bullies like cowards.

74. Establish Routines and Traditions - Children behave better when they know what they can count on. Establish traditions which they can look forward to and which provide them with fond memories and feelings of belonging and security.

75. PMS Principle - Always check out -prevention, method and source. Could the misbehavior have been prevented? Was the method of discipline respectful? What lay at the Source of the behavior - what was the child trying to tell you?

76. Make It Fun Principle - See if you can turn a chore into a challenge; a job into a game; a "must" into a "want to." ("I have hidden a surprise in your room. When it is cleaned up, you will find it.")

77. Institute Mailboxes Principle - Put mailboxes outside each child's room, or attach one to each child's desk. Write personal notes - suggestions, thanks, etc. and put inside child's mailbox. Be sure to have one on your desk - or outside your room - for their messages back to you.

78. ABC Principle - Learn to think in terms of ABC (Antecedent, Behavior and Consequences). What was going on before the behavior occurred and what happened afterwards - as a result of the behavior? Many times you can find patterns in behavior - and alter your behavior or the circumstances that may have led up to the inappropriate behavior. Also, you might need to look at what is gained by the behavior - what the child is getting as a result. (A child who is overly tired may throw a temper tantrum. In order to get him to stop, he may be given a toy. By changing the antecedent and/or the consequences, a temper tantrum may be avoided in the future.)

79. Collect Data Principle - Keep a written record of the frequency of inappropriate behaviors. Record the antecedents as well as the consequences. Look for patterns that may give clues as to possible reasons, situations and/or solutions.

80. Jump Start A Belly Laugh - Surprise everyone by teaching him or her to jump-start a belly laugh. Grab someone's hands and jump up and down together, saying "ho, ho" real fast, until you are genuinely laughing.

81. The Time-In Principle ? Every time you are near your child, give him a loving stroke or hug. This touching can be non-verbal. Think about it. Words never quite convey the message you want to give someone. However, touching is perfect. Children are less likely to seriously misbehave when they sense a deep love and respect on the part of one who matters to them. What you do is much more important than what you say. Have you ever noticed the way that parents kiss the heads of their babies ? and the contented look on the faces of both? We need to seize every opportunity to express our love and caring in non-verbal ways as well as verbally!

82. Nap Principle - Take a break. A nap usually puts everything in better perspective.

83. Write A Contract Principle - Sit with the child (after the emotion subsides) and together write a contract for future behavior. Be sure to let him/her have input. Then both parties sign the contract.

84. Let The Child Be The Teacher Principle - Let the child assume the role of teacher (or parent). Ask him to teach you a skill.

85. Get On Child's Eye Level Principle - When talking with the child, get down on his/her eye level and look him in the eye while talking softly to him/her.

86. Teach- Don't Reteach Principle - Teach your child the correct procedures and behaviors as soon as you have an opportunity. It is much harder to go back and undo a learned behavior. (A TV remote is not a toy - don't let a toddler play with it. Children need to know your expectations for entering your classroom and taking their seats - on the first day of school. Your child should not drive a car until he is legally old enough to do so. Laws are to be obeyed.)

87. Read a Book (or Read the Paper) Principle - Sit down and read. Take your attention away from the child who is behaving inappropriately. Read until you have both cooled off and can deal with the situation in a productive manner.

88. Who Cares Principle - Is it really that important? If not, let it go.

89. Make Up A Story Principle - Make up a story to tell the child - using another person's name - but giving an account of an incident which occurred in which the child was at fault. Ask the child what the child in the story did that was wrong - and what he should do differently the next time.

90. Stay Healthy Principle - Remember the importance of taking good care of yourself - physically as well as emotionally. Eat well, sleep well and get plenty of exercise. You will not only be able to cope better, but you will also become a good role model for the children you love.

91. Cueing Principle - Give the child a cue, such as a hand gesture, to remind him - ahead of time - of the behavior you want him to exhibit. For example, teach the child that, instead of interrupting you when you are talking with someone else, he is to squeeze your hand. This will let you know that he wants to talk with you (as you return the squeeze), and as soon as you can, you will stop your conversation and find out what he wants.

92. Connect Before You Correct Principle - Be sure to "connect" with a child - get to know him and show him that you care about him - before you begin to try to correct his behavior. This works well with parents too. Share positive thoughts with them about their child before you attack the problems!

93. Switch Gears Principle - When the unexpected occurs, look for a way to make the most of the situation. For example, if you have a long wait, suggest that each of you close your eyes and listen for what you can hear, or look around and find something you had never noticed before.

94. Third Party Principle - Tell a story about a particular situation which you are trying to resolve and elicit suggestions. For example, "There is a mom who would like her son to take out the trash. Should she (a) ask him to do it? (b) tell him to do it? (c) let him know the trash is full and needs to be taken out? (d) tell him the 'trash is calling'? (e) ask him to help her with the trash, or (f) other? What should the mom do?"

95. Other Shoe Principle - Look at the situation from the child's perspective. How would you feel if the "shoe was on the other foot?" What if the child was you and you were the child?

96. Think Of The Outcome - What is your intention? What outcome are you trying to achieve? Are you trying to help the child, or live through the child? If your intention is to teach a child something he/she can later use to help him/herself, then don't let your emotions or personal agenda get in the way. For example, just because you wish you had learned to play the piano and had never had the opportunity to take lessons, don't force piano lessons on your child.

97. Values are Caught and Not Taught Principle - Expose your child to role models who are passionate about their work. Take piano lessons yourself and watch your child absorb your love for music. Eat well and exercise, and watch your child imitate your example. Don't talk about it. Do it!

98. Allow Imperfection Principle - Don't demand perfection. Remember no one likes the "perfect" child, parent or teacher. With perfection as the goal, we are all losers.

99. Belonging and Significance Principle ? (Dreikurs) - Remember that everyone needs to feel that s/he belongs and is significant. Help your child to feel important by giving him important jobs to do and reminding him that if he doesn't do them, they don't get done! Help him/her feel important by being responsible.

100. Ask The Child Principle - Ask the child for input. "Do you think this was a good choice?" "What were you trying to accomplish or tell us with your behavior?" "What do you think could help you in the future to remember to make a better choice?" "How would you like for things to be different?" ?How about drawing a picture of how you feel right now.? Children have wonderful insight into their own behavior and great suggestions for ways to make things better.

101. Good Head On Your Shoulders Principle - Tell your child - frequently - especially as s/he reaches the teen years - "You have a good head on your shoulders. You decide. I trust your judgment." This brings out the best in the child and shows him/her that eventually he will be in charge of his own life and responsible for his/her own decisions.

w00t!

apparently, sleep deprivation, and geekdom go hand in hand. after some fiddling, and tweaking of code, i finally got the stupid comments and everything to look right. so. welcome to the new design. yay!

an interesting, if possibly unfounded observation

so. i admittedly spend far too much time on a certain site. this site has bulletin boards, where one can connect with other parents, on a variety of issues. i initially joined, because it had a birthclub feature, where you and all the other ladies on the board were due in the same month. which meant that, once the babies were born, you'd have a large sampling of kids against which to compare your own offspring, and feel either unabashedly superior, or ponder dialing up the local early intervention line. but eventually, i branched out. there was an attachment parenting board, and i used to hang there, but currently it's gotten too mainstream, cio oriented to truely be called an AP board. and a feeding choices debate board, which is awesome, and always educational. it also has specific feeding style support boards. i was looking on the breastfeeding support board, due to the fact that i've randomly been leaking. (i still don't get that.) and one thing i noticed, was that almost all of the complaints were mom centered. ie-my nipples hurt, i'm engorged, i am so sick of only eating turkey and rice i could scream, etc. from experience on the birthboard, it seemed to me that formula issues were baby related. so i surfed over to the formulafeeding your baby board, and lurked there to see if my hypothesis panned out. most complaints on the formula board were like, 'baby is gassy, baby is constipated, baby doesn't like the taste, baby wants the boob back, hates formula, etc.'

so here's my observation. you see a lot of writing out there, which says that bottlefeeding is more convienint, and easier. if you can get past the whole washing bottles thing, and the whole having to have a clean water supply wherever you go. and the whole having to have a clean place to mix bottles. and the whole having to mix the bottles. and carry the bottles around. if you can get past all of that, to see that perhaps, bottle feeding is easier. but at what cost?

i mean, clearly both feeding options come with their own unique sets of problems. but it seems that, for the most part, in the breastfeeding sect, the problems are mom-centric. which, while unfortunate for the nipples, is great for the baby.

i mean, don't get me wrong. i had a reflux baby, and i cut out dairy and cruciferous veggies, and red meat, and things with wheat, and hot and spicy foods, and eggs, and citrus (the shorter list, would be what i did eat, which was fries, non-cruciferous veggies, chicken, and rice.) i dealt with spitup, and gas, and stuff, while i tried to tailor my diet to her needs. so i'm not saying that breastfeeding always makes for a fuss free baby.

what i am saying, is that, it seems that comparitively, the baby gets the short end of the problem stick with regard to formula feeding.

so many breastfeeding advocates tout the health benefits, etc. i'm guilty. i do it too. but i wonder, if we stopped using hypothetical health benefits, like, 'less risk of allergies, etc' and started using tangible immediate benefits like 'now, rosier poops! or less crying while pooping, or no more cheekflapping newborn farts' wouldn't that go a longer way towards helping people to make an informed decision?

anyway. i admit, that it is 3 in the morning, and i am sleep deprived, but that's my observation for the day.

word.

oh well. it was fun while it lasted

however, i've gone back to basic black. sniffle. it's too bad, i really liked the other look better, but i just couldn't get it to work, and i feel like paying 10 bucks for an installation is silly, and something i just can't afford right now.

anyways, comments should be enabled again, and everything should be back to normal.

under construction

As you can see, the peanut gallery is undergoing a bit of a facelift. Right now, if you want to comment, you have to click on the sidebar, on whichever post you'd like to comment on, and comment from there. this should be resolved soon.

thanks for reading!

30 second personality test

Your Five Factor Personality Profile

Extroversion: You have high extroversion. You are outgoing and engaging, with both strangers and friends. You truly enjoy being with people and bring energy into any situation. Enthusiastic and fun, you're the first to say "let's go!" Conscientiousness: You have medium conscientiousness. You're generally good at balancing work and play. When you need to buckle down, you can usually get tasks done. But you've been known to goof off when you know you can get away with it. Agreeableness: You have medium agreeableness. You're generally a friendly and trusting person. But you also have a healthy dose of cynicism. You get along well with others, as long as they play fair. Neuroticism: You have low neuroticism. You are very emotionally stable and mentally together. Only the greatest setbacks upset you, and you bounce back quickly. Overall, you are typically calm and relaxed - making others feel secure. Openness to experience: Your openness to new experiences is high. In life, you tend to be an early adopter of all new things and ideas. You'll try almost anything interesting, and you're constantly pushing your own limits. A great connoisseir of art and beauty, you can find the positive side of almost anything.

The Five Factor Personality Test

things that make you NOT want to blog

from my sitemeter stats...
Referring URL http://search.msn.co... mama pics&FORM=SSRE
Search Engine search.msn.com
Search Words rate hoochie mama pics


and if you look to the right, on my google ads (which you can click, and i'll get paid) the first word is simply fart. yup. i'm not "allowed" to click on my own ads. but i'm terrified as to what that would bring up. if anyone is brave enuff to try it...post a comment and enlighten me!

this months noo hotness

myspace.com (where my addy is www.myspace.com/boodafli)
got2be spa sugar kick exfoliating body scrub
healing gardens organics facial cleaning gel
loreal juicy lip gloss
cool green apple extra bubble gum
roxy flip flops
the spicy chicken sandwich from mcdonalds
james blount
napster
pilot pens
extra strength tylenol
phillips senseo coffee maker


things i hope will be next months noo hotness
the zippy mei tai from mei tai baby
the delux dred kit from knottyboy dreds
something from the new mmmmm! line from calgon


that is all. go consumerize beeches.

it's all worth it

i am so tired. it is 6 am, and in the last seven days, i believe i have clocked less than 30 hours of sleep. granted, 12 of those were in a row yesterday, so i should not be surprised that peanut is up, and has been up all night. it's okay though. i got my manual done for work. i get to relax for a bit, until the next project comes down the pipe. i get to try and get peanut back on a relatively normal schedule.

she's walking more now. she can get about halfway across the room before she topples over. and she's much more interested in solid food consumption, most notably french fries. whoops. however, she is big on veggies that are not deep fried as well. so this gives me hope. i'm trying to make sure she's got a varied palatte, so that she's not as finicky as i am. the downside to this, is that i also need to have a varied palatte. because she's more inclined to eat something she's seen us take a bite of. the fruit babyfood is rather good. the veggie babyfood all tastes like pureed ass.

she finds the most random things hilarious. currently, it's weird wordisms that get her going. things like, snoochy dooce and the like. also, she's ticklish now. before, it was just her legs that were ticklish, but now, her belly is too. this makes me happy. i know some people disagree with tickling, but i feel like, as long as she's laughing, it can't be too bad, right? i know that my brothers were heavy into tickling, as long as i was laughing, but as soon as it got to be too much, they'd lay off.

we had her 1 year check up last week, and i apparently spaced blogging it. she's 21.6 lbs, and 29 and 1/8th inches tall. her hemoglobin is a 12, and that's with no rice cereal, and no drops. i feel irrationally proud of this. she's on schedule or ahead in everything, so that's good to know. although with as wide as the windows are, i wonder how we can even take the milestones seriously.

lastly, i moved to south carolina because it was supposed to be warm. it is currently 36 farking degrees. this is NOT funny god.

when do things change

to everything there is a season. right now, when peanut burps or farts, it's hysterical. especially because she comes from two fantastically flatulent parents. so these are not your typical phhhhhhtttthhh style baby farts. these are lawnmower starting, cheek flapping, motorboat farts, and dinosaur mating call burps.

we were at the mall the other day, and gene was getting her situated in the mei-tai, and as we tightened the straps around his waist, she let forth with a belch so deep and resonant, i thought it was him. seriously. all the way up until he almost fell over laughing. at which point i realized that my tiny daughter had expelled that crop duster of a burp.

when i was pregnant, i often lamented the fact that i was afraid that i was not mature enough to be responsible for another human being. i illustrated this point with the fact that i find gaseous human emissions beyond the pale of funny. depending on the situation-tears rolling down the face funny.

i thought, that perhaps if i could overcome my inherent amusement at basic bodily function, this would somehow prove that i was not a giggling fratboy with boobs-but a responsible adult, completely qualified to care of the physical and emotional upbringing of a tender green soul.

and then i had a c-section. if you are unaware of c-section procedure, they apparently place a whoopee cushion inside your uterus prior to stiching you up. so once the anesthesia wore off, i could feel both my toes, and this magnificent pressure in my abdomen. i actually thought for a moment, that perhaps i'd been having twins, and they'd left one behind. i struggled to sit up, so that i could reach the call button and ask for ice chips.

pause now, and think of the musculature involved in sitting up.

i made it about 1/2 an inch off the bed, when my body decided to birth the other baby-a loud, lawnmowerish, cheekflapping, post surgical fart. i mean-it's quiet in the 'recovery' area. you cant' just do that, and expect that no one will notice. i swear that i could hear peoples pulse-ox monitors beeping faster as they waited, with baited breath, to see if it was all sound and no fury. (it was, thankfully.)

i plopped back on the bed, thinking that perhaps, if i waited to press the call button, they'd blame that ass symphony on the 45 year old bypass patient next to me.

the curtain around my bed snapped back efficiently. the nurse appeared, short blonde head just peeking over the safety rails on the bed.

'so' she says. 'guess we're awake now.'

i nod, and try to look dignified.

'it's normal. when they sew you up, there's lots of air in there because of how they do the section. you'll be tooting for days.'

it may have been the morphine, but that sent me off into gales of giggling. tooting for days indeed.

but then. the slow sinking feeling. the realization that, i have failed my baby. i have laughed at farty potty humor. on her BIRTHDAY! i couldn't even keep it up for 24 hours.

and now, when she crawls, and her little body seems to be gas propelled, i lean back, and put another penny in the therapy jar.

all the cool kids are doing it.

1. i should be working.

2. i love my daughter more than anything.

3. i'd kill for a newport right about now.

4. loud noises make me want to get down on the floor, in case it's gunfire

5. i hate it that people think #4 is something i do to be funny.

6. i'm often more insecure than people think

7. i secretly long for a real spa pedicure

8. i write poems, then tear them up

9. sometimes i cry in the shower.

10. i wish i had more discipline.

11. it scares me when people tell me that i'm a good mom. it's too much pressure.

12. i want to go back to italy

13. i have moles. the body kind, not like, random small burrowing blind animals.

14. i'm addicted to tattoos.

15. and piercings. but i feel like, now that i'm a mom, i need to knock that shit off.

16. i once stole a purple velvet bookmark in elementary school and got caught.

17. i actually do like chick flicks. shh.

18. i find racism in random advertisements, and then i get all pissy for a while and boycott.

19. i don't boycott walmart because it would be inconvienent.

20. i wish i had the discipline to be a vegetarian.

21. i'm really judgemental. i hate that.

22. i feel like i should do more.

23. i don't know if i'll make it to 100. this is hard.

24. i rather enjoy the fruity babyfood.

25. i once sang sweet transvestite in front of a theatre full of strangers.

26. i was high when i took my SATs. i still got almost 1100.

27. i want my kid to be smarter than me.

28. i have no patience for stupid people.

29. i hate punctuation, and capitalization. i enjoy languagefucking.

30. there are people i dislike enough to injure.

31. i'm pro-life

32. i want to have a VBAC if we have more kids

33. at a birthing center.

34. i pumped breastmilk for a cancer patient.

35. she died anyway. i feel guilty.

36. i lack follow through.

37. i'm really funny.

38. i can read faster than the average bear.

39. i have an inexplicable affection for mechanical singing plush toys.

40. those christmas trees with faces that sing freak me out a lot.

41. so does thomas the tank engine, and jayjay the jetplane

42. this is the answer.

43. i read the same books over again, even when they weren't that good to begin with.

44. i like cool ranch doritos better than nacho cheese doritos.

45. i once drank everclear with koolaid. i don't recommend it.

46. i'm really good at lying. but i end up telling on myself.

47. i've been raped.

48. i don't know how to tell my daughter that.

49. i enjoy the tiki motif

50. i'm a really good swimmer.

51. i love the beach.

52. i miss pittsburgh more than i'd admit. sometimes i wish i was still there.

53. i am occasionally accused of hating white people. usually by other white people.

54. i was white for 12 years and didn't know it.

55. now i'm black, because South Carolina doesn't have a multi/bi-racial box on their drivers licsence, and i'm all about equal opportunity.

56. i'm occasionally accused of hating black people. usually by other white people.

57. i wish my blog got more comments

58. i worry about posting pictures of peanut, because of crazy freaks

59. i feel like it's my responsibility to keep everyone i know happy

60. i have an inexplicable love for desk calendars

61. and those mini-kits from the bookstore, like, yoga in a box, spa in a box, etc.

62. and informercials. i could recite the entire set it and forget it infomercial

63. what's more, i own a set it and forget it. and a magic bullet.

64. i wish i could crochet. but i can only do one long chain.

65. i like to listen to depressing music sometimes. even if i'm not depressed.

66. i like dunkin donuts better than krispy kreme

67. in fact, i think krispy kreme is overrated, and a rip off. i mean, it's sugared air! now, a dunkin donut. that's a donut with some SUBSTANCE.

68. i think i should use a parental thing to block all search engines from my computer so i can't scare myself with pho's, pvc's, phtalates, BPAs, and all the other horrible things that my daughter is going to be exposed to.

69. i have mild OCD.

70. it's a miracle that i don't have a police record from my misspent youth

71. i always feel secretly superior at the pedi's office when peanuts hemoglobin count is high, even tho she's not on drops.

72. i wish i had my own tv show, a la waynes world, but without the rackety music

73. i hate heavy metal

74. i'm afraid i'm not interesting enough to have a full 100 things on this list

75. i am going to dred my hair. i'm scared, but hopeful.

76. i hate childrens songs. i sing the indigo girls to peanut.

77. and ani difranco

78. i might secretly be training her to be a lesbian

79. i'm afraid she'll grow up to be a republican just to rebel

80. i want to write a book eventually

81. i'm always a little pissy when my fortune cookie doesn't have a 'learn chinese' part on the back

82. i've only played the lottery once, when i was old enuff to buy a ticket. i was sad that i didn't get carded

83. i've got an out of control bath product addiction.

84. my favorite color is orange

85. i once got an email through napster asking me if i was schizophrenic, based on my playlist. that actually made my day.

86. i like defying categorization

87. i strive to be different

88. i have a hard time sharing my true emotions

89. but i tell everyone else to do exactly that.

90. i'm bad at math

91. i have a fantastic memory for all things mundane

92. i'm good at scrabble and trivial pursuit because of this

93. i hate to admit when i don't understand something

94. i like debates

95. it makes me irrationally angry when white people hold their newly tan arm next to mine and go-look! i'm darker than you. like, saw their head off with a toothbrush sort of angry

96. i've never told any of my white friends that, so they keep doing it

97. i miss being able to be irresponsible

98. i'm sad that one of my best friends is getting ready to marry an alcoholic, and i set them up on their first date. i wish i could go back and change all that.

99. i picked peanuts real name partly because it was a palindrome

100. i'm surprised i actually finished this list.

ch ch ch chia.

oh dear lord. i am, once again procrastinating. well. actually not. i find that doing work and nursing peanut is difficult. whereas, if i misspell things on this, i don't really care. also, her giant head is blocking the paper i'm supposed to be typing from.

i was thinking about motherhood. because, you know, that's what you do when you spend the better part of 12 hours a day with your boob hanging out, and no dollars in your garter belt. but specifically, i was thinking that maybe we make it harder than it needs to be. clubs, and sports, and activities for the kids. don't get me wrong, i'm a huge fan of the kiddies not sitting around the house all day, but i think this whole idea of people under the age of 18 having a 'resume' is just retarded. hell, i'm 25, and i don't even have a resume, to speak of. i just wonder, you know, when peanut is 5, if i haven't enrolled her in judo chop 101, and how to fingerpaint in impressionism, will they even let her into kindergarten? or will she be doomed to the community college that is half day kindergarten?

i was also thinking, about prenatal vitamins. before i got pregnant, i had a woefully wretched diet. i was a fast food slut. to wit, a french fry slut. so i pretty much existed on fries, newports, and diet coke. i have no idea why i don't have scurvy, or whatever. but, like all women, when i discovered my baked potato in the oven, i started poppin the stuarts. and now that she's a tater tot, but still nursing, i'm still taking em. and so my hair is thick, and shiny, and it's growing really fast. i cut it down to about 2 or 3 inches back in june. and it's already to my shoulders in the back. (although this does have the unfortunate side effect of looking like a mullet if i'm not careful.) but it's great. i love it.

my leg hair, on the other hand. what cruel joke is it, to halve, nay, decimate, a persons time, and then cause bodily changes which require hours of maintenance, with weedwhackers and sterile cotton balls? i mean, i wasn't hot on shaving before, but now, it's like, a TASK. and you know, i'm not very task oriented. as evidenced by the fact that i'm blogging instead of working.

i'm going to go put the peanut in her shell, and get back to work.

slacker.

it's official. i'm a nerd.

proof.

mindful parenting

"We worry about what a child will be tomorrow, yet we forget that he is someone today." Stacie Tauscher

doesn't that say everything there is to say about parenting? i mean, i know that i have huge worries about 'when peanut is older'. for me, it's not so much that i worry about my parenting style inherently screwing her up (i take that for granted, parent is greek for screw your kids up) but i spend a lot of time inside my head freaking out about the whatifs, that sometimes i feel like i'm not present enough to enjoy her babyhood. intellectually, i know that there is nothing i can do to prevent all the bad things from happening to her. intellectually, i know that's not even healthy. but emotionally, i'm a wreck. i mean, i just read an article somewhere, which said that as early as PRESCHOOL, girls clique up and exhibit that 'mean girls' lindsay lohan behavior. (i'm going to type hit and run now, so that when people google lindsay lohan hit and run, they'll find my blog. is that wrong?) anyway.

it's weird. some days, i feel totally qualified for this job. other days, and far more frequently, i feel like someone who faked their resume, and is now head of a company, and can't even read. perhaps that's an exxageration. when i was pregnant, gene and i were shellshocked, to say the least. but i kept saying to him, look, people far stupider than us have raised kids. certainly we can do it too. and better. but there are days where i feel like i rode the short bus to life school. and if i feel like this NOW, when she's not asking deep philisophical questions-well, gawd. i don't even wanna think about my ever deepening pit of parental inadeqaucy. tho i can't seem to help it. hence the quote above. i am going to get it tattooed backwards on my forehead, so that each time i look in the mirror, i'm reminded to settle the hell down.

playing

what the hell?

after 9 months with no leaking-i'm leaking on the non-feeding side. shes a year old. we haven't been nursing more than usual. why am i leaking again?

in which i pontificate on STUFF

baby stuff, that is. once the mind numbing shock of finding out i was pregnant wore off, i plopped my tired behind in the computer chair, and created no fewer than 15 registries. walmart, target, kmart, babycenter, onestepahead, williams-sonoma (shut up. blenders rule!) and so on. i registered for cribs, strollers, bassinets, moses baskets, changing stations, bouncy chairs, exersaucers, playmats, playpens, high chairs, infant tubs, baby tubs, toddler tubs, pacis, bottles, breastpumps, baby clothes, preggo clothes, books, toys, and a lotto ticket.

in the last 12 months i've actually used
breast pump
baby tub
clothes, obviously, altho not as frequently as you'd think, since SC is fairly temperate
bouncy chair for a month
exersaucer (because peanut got sick of having hummus in her hair when mommy ate while wearing her)
sling (this is, next to my boobs, my most used piece of baby gear)
changing PAD (table not included)
play pen (mostly for napping, since i have no crib)
car seat (well. duh.)

what on earth makes us think that we need all this STUFF to raise an infant? seriously? i am SO glad that my family had a lick of sense, and spent their money on books, clothes, and toys. all that other crap is, well, crap! it's all designed to seperate moms and babies. why? what's the point? independence? i know i've ranted on it before, but seriously. the first 12 months, there is NO independence. why even waste your time with that? it's like, expecting a plant to bloom right after you've planted the seed. it just doesn't happen. don't waste your time with all that crap. here's what'll happen.

you'll have your shower. you'll get the crib, the stroller, the bouncy seat, etc. you'll make your partner put it all together. you'll go to the hospital, have the baby, look at the baby, realize the baby is the cutest baby EVAR, and not put it down for the 1-3 days you're in there. you'll feel so good. you'll come home. people will tell you that you HAVE to put the baby down. you will listen. the baby will scream blue bloody murder. you will pick the baby up. you will get another lecture on independence. the baby will poop on you. you will think this is a coincidence, but really, it is the baby rendering her opinion on independence at 5 days. you will hold the baby. eventually, you will have to pee out the 900 gallons of water you've been carting around. you will put the baby down. the baby will scream. you will pee as fast as possible, taking careful note of how many times you actually use both hands. you will pick the baby up, and the next time you have to pee (you know, in 3 minutes) you will take the baby with you. you will finish, flush, and google infant slings. which you should've done in the first place, instead of registerign for the entire baby section of target.

so. to help you aspiring mommas avoid that shit. here are some links
maya wrap
kozy carrier
the baby wearer which is the singlemost in depth resource for babywearing.

and remember. cosleeping done safely does NOT INCREASE THE RISK OF SIDS for the love of god. see?

that is all.

procrastination, can be fun...

and i am in rare form. on a positive note, i have fun new moms in the blogroll, as i was ringsurfing CrazyHipBlogMamas or whatever. i have decided that noone in the medical profession has a clue. i was reading a book, that said one shouldn't drink tea while preggo or breastfeeding. TEA. of ANY variety, not just the appetite supressing green. no orange pekoe, no earl grey, not even michal jacksons black or white. no tea.

this at first caused me a great deal of acid indigestion, and gnashing of worried teeth, since i have consumed GALLONS of tea in the last 19 months. i mean, i live in the SOUTH. i'd get lynched if i didn't drink sweet tea. and publix has the bombest sweet tea. it's not as good as my moms sweet tea, but it is more reliably available.

then i thought about asia. people in asia drink tea. all the time. they make me look like a novice. and so do british people. drink a lot of tea, i mean. i can't see the dangers. i know it's got something to do with tannins, or some such thing-but i don't know what those are, and judging from the amount of dough the folks employed over at sony are rakin in, they can't be that bad.

but then, why tell american women not to drink tea?

i like tea. it keeps my pee clear. i feel this is a sign of excellent hydration, and further proof that i'm the best mommy evar. or something.

okay. i should work some more. *sigh*

the best advice i never got, that i'll pass along

to all new moms, and moms to be, and even veteran moms who've forgotten...

As a new mom, you will get nothing done. Whole days will go by and you won't remember what you did except feed the baby, change the baby's diapers, get the baby to sleep. Doing "nothing" takes a lot of time. But you've done more by not doing anything than you did in entire days at the office. And it's way more important than anything you've ever done at work. Remember that --- it's easy to forget. - - Amy Einhorn in her book, The Fourth Trimester, And You Thought Labor Was Hard . . . (Crown Publishers, 2001).


but totally tru. and totally worth it. print this, and put it on your fridge. don't take it down until the baby is in college.

headstatic-or the post in which i ramble

so my best friend is pregnant. WOO! this is almost as exciting as when i got pregnant. i've already been lurking in the newborn section of the big box stores around here. and planning what of peanuts to keep out of the freecycle box to hand down. i'm also frantically unpacking to find my books, because she's a reader, but she's also stubborn as all get out, and while i know she plans on breastfeeding, i think she thinks i'm a bit loony over the whole AP thing. which-i hate that label, because of the whole mommywars thing. i feel like, AP vs Mainstream is such a divisive thing. that being said-i know that i'd be hard pressed to forge a new friendship with someone who bottlefed by choice, or used CIO. i'm scared that, because i'm rather the lone voice, more customary parenting choices will be made. and i'm afraid of what that might do to our friendship. because i'm not tactful. i try, but it always fails miserably. and i know i've got nine months in which to prosteltyze, and amazon stocks most of the books, so even the ones i don't own yet, she will, and i know ultimately parenting is a personal choice, but i also know it's hard to be the weird one. i'm not close with most of my extended fam, but the ones i am tight with thought i was a whackjob for pumping until nursing was established, etc. where i don't hang with my fam very much, my friend is super tight with almost everybody she's related to. so there'd be a lot more of the 'what the hell'ness to deal with. i dunno. and then, like, the whole circumcision thing is hard too, since i have a girl. but before we found out the gender, gene was like, if we have a boy, no circ. and i was like what? ew! but i googled it, (thinking, as most of our culture does, that it was medically required.) it's not, and what i learned made me as anti boy circ, as i was anti girl circ. but when i sort of brought it up, her and the dad were like, oh yeah. and it's totally the astethic. which i understand, to an extent, because i've only ever seen one intact one, so it is sort of weird to me. BUT. not weird enuff to circ, if peanut had been a boy. so-do i start the intactivism before they know the gender? or do i wait, and if it's a moot point, just not even broach it. or am i just TOTALLY overstepping my own importance.

why is it so hard. i mean, this is the girl with whom i've discussed tampons, sexual positions, and cervical mucous. what is it about parenting choices that makes my mental testes shrivel like prunes? i'm so outspoken with the girls here at La Leche. but i know they've already had their babies, and are on the same path, so it's not like, a whole 'if you don't do this, you suck as a mom' which is totally what i'm afraid i'll sound like. *sigh* times like this, i wish i was tactful.

more later. poopsplosion. ew.

counting my blessings

i need to do this. because right now, i find myself teeming with negative energy. and that's not good for me, or the peanut. so.

1. peanut exists.
2. peanut is healthy.
3. i exist.
4. i am healthy.
5. we have a rockin home that's nicely painted.
6. i'm not in jail for murder. yet.
7. i have extended family, who, while outdated in their beliefs, love me and peanut to itty bitty bits.
8. i have the ability to ignore those outdated beliefs, and continue on in what i think is the best parenting path for peanut.

there's more. but that made me feel better. so i don't need to keep counting. (for those who may be surfing in here w/o knowlegde of me/my sense of humor, 6 is figurative.) i'm still a little grumpy, but at least it no longer feels like my chest is going to implode. and that's good, right? can you even get post partum depression this late?

party over here!

so peanut had a fab birthday. we've got awesome pics and video of her first cake experience. yep. fully sugared. i debated over that for like, the last 4 months, and finally, i decided that, one piece of cake does not a diabetic binge eater make. and most of it got mashed into the high chair anyway. so if anything is gonna need insulin, it's the hippo on the high chair. see pix below.

it was so nice to see my parents with their grandchild. i was worried that they were going to make it all about them. they had a few moments where i was like, oh for the love of god. but mostly, they were very well behaved. it helped, i think, that the step-heifer stayed in pittsburgh. altho she did manage to haunt me, with a hoochie mama loochie skirt as a birthday present for peanut. honestly. i'm a big fan of baby clothes that, y'know, look like baby clothes-not like hooker clothes.

well. okay. since it's an 18 month skirt, it's long on peanut, who has an 18 month waist, but 12 month legs. so it's not as hoochie-ish as it could be. but on an 18 month old-it would be boulevard worthy.

so she's been biting while nursing. and at first i thought she was teething. but then today, she was grumpy, so we took her to the doc, and she's got an ear infection. poor baby. so i'm off to the store for tylenol.

i can't believe she's a year old. more on that later.

before the attack of the pnutty

oh yeah. that's the stuff.

birthday cake! mmm.

how much fun. i love that this is what my name 'means'

Jaime -- [noun]: A beat poet working the streets 'How will you be defined in the dictionary?' at QuizGalaxy.com

things i find horrifying

apparently, things have changed since i was an angsty teen. i mean, i knew that our culture has pretty much been in a steady state of decline, and that our youth was mostly in the lead on that slippery slope. when i was in middle school, i had a friend who was bulemic. it was scary, and horrible to watch. she got help, and things are better-or at least they were last we spoke.

i wonder now.

take a minute and google pro-ana, or thinspiration.


are you as completely terrified for our girls as i am? how did it get this bad? that people can actually be PRO anorexia? i mean, i'm all for choice with regard to lifestyle-but this is just scary!

so how does this tie into the the peanut theme?

how do i raise a girl in this society? how do i instill a love for her body, no matter the shape it takes? how do i get her to understand that even the models don't look like the models? why should i have to?

and what happened to these girls, that they hate themselves this much? is it really just a product of our shallow culture? the objectification of women? or is it something deeper, and more insidious-a personality quirk that leaves them vulnerable. for a lot of these girls, it starts early, like 10, or 11. so how do we protect them?

how big a role does parenting play? by 10 or 11, assuming traditional schooling is in place, the parents aren't really the big social mobilizers any more. and even if i can talk gene into unschooling, won't there still be the neighborhood kids, and the kids in the playgroups and activities who will be SO MUCH COOLER than lame parents?

i can't think about this anymore today. it makes me ill. i'm so scared.

bounce with me, bounce with me

so. peanut has taken to bouncing. in my arms, in the exersaucer, on the bed. her tiny chubby legs have so much power in them! mostly this is adorable. however, she will occasionally use bouncing to express her displeasure at say, having a toy taken away, or her slow slow mommy not giving her another cracker in a sufficiently speedy manner. while i enjoy her strong mindedness, i cannot wait until she uses words more frequently than actions. not that i'm wishing her older, or anything. just more verbal. i think it would allay a lot of frustration. it would also help me to feel like, when i say things like, 'not for peanut' or, 'no thank you, we don't eat paper' i'm not speaking to someone who speaks chinese, or that clicking language.

tiny rant finale

today was peanuts last day of therapy. i'm glad about this, as it means her torticollis is resolved. i'm not so glad about this, because it was reassuring to have a 'trained professional' checking out my kid on a regular basis. i still sometimes don't think i'm qualified for this job, and i'm just waiting to get fired.

anyways...where was i? so right. discipline. i get that this is america, land of the free, and all that. and that we're so proud of our independence, and that independence is seen as some hugely important milestone/acheivement, but i think this attitude contributes a LOT to the pathetic status of our current culture. dig. there's co-dependence, which is bad. this is when folks are so wrapped up in other people, that they sort of lose track of where their emotions end, and others start. not really healthy, altho i like to keep one around for my grumpy days-they make great listeners. the flip side of this, of course, is independence. break it down. in (used in the not/lack of sense) dependence (used in the relying on/needing people sort of way.) independence. not needing people. not that i'm a huge babs fan, but people...people who need people....are the luckiest people....and they're called-are you ready? it's a revolution in ONE word....INTER-depended. oh yeah. raise your fist now beeches. interdependence makes SO much psychological sense. it means, that you need your babies, and your babies need you. (of course it can be applied to other people too, but this is a mommy blog, so i'm trying to stay topical.) because, lets face it. as adults, we occasionally need other adults to bounce ideas off of, to cry to, to rage to, to laugh with, to talk with, to call at 2 in the morning and ramble to their voicemail...it's normal. it's the human condition, this desire to connect, and communicate. and when we leave babies to cry, we short circuit this. we teach them to seek comfort in objects (pacifiers, blankies, binkies, teddies,) and not people. which leads to apathy, (a lack of pathy! lol!) which leads to an inability to truely connect, and emote, which leads to a high divorce rate, starbucks, and outsourcing. starbucks and outsourcing!? you say. yep. starbucks is the corporate capitialist pig venture that is killing the small coffee business. who are capitalist pigs, but people who value things, over people? and outsourcing? all about the bottom line. more money means more ability to buy things. piss on the little people.

so. it begins with crying unattended. it leads to spanking. spanking says 'i will bend you to my will with this physical intimidation because you have displeased/disobeyed me.' which further reinforces the whole nonvalidation of legitimate need/emotion tip. so they continue to lash out/misbehave, which turns it into this whole cyclical mess. and why? because we need to prove that 'we're the boss'? that our children OBEY us at any cost? that we're such poor communicators, we can't think of any other way to convince them not to run in the street/touch the stove/drink out of the toilet? what lesson does smacking our kids around teach? it teaches them that, if you're bigger, hitting is okay if the other person isn't listening. it teaches them that violence is an appropriate form of communication. that actions speak louder than words.

this, to me, is a big part of why bullying is so prevalent amongst school-age kids. why some bosses are just horrid, and pick on their employees at any given chance. it's the reaganomics trickledown theory in effect. mom hits kid. kid hits other kid. kid grows up. can't hit the people who piss him off, so he uses other forms of agression. gets married. has a baby. hits the kid...and so it goes.

we've got to break the cycle. seriously. it makes so much sense. just like car seats.

weird

Your Inner Blood Type is Type B

You follow your own rules in life, even if you change the rules every day. Sure, you tend to be off the wall and unpredictable, but that's what makes you lovable. And even though you're a wild child, you have the tools to be a great success. You are able to concentrate intently - and make the impossible possible. You are most compatible with: B and AB Famous Type B's: Leonardo Di Caprio and

What's Your Inner Blood Type?

this is especially weird, given that i am a type B-. and the person who's blog i snagged this from, got a type A answer, and is a type A. freeeeeakish.

tiny rant part 2

i was thinking more about this. for instance, peanut has currently decided that diaper changes are for sissies. and loudly protests them. we distract, sing, tried doing them standing, but she's still too wobbly for that. what is currently working (blasting Daddy Yankee's Rompe) may not work tomorrow (or even next change) but parenting is an ongoing process, and it's all about changing with your child.
but what occured to me, (in tru nerd form) was that discipline comes from the word disciple which means student, or to learn/teach depending on your dictionary. obviously when we hear the word disciple, we think of jesus, since he had like, 12. but jesus didn't smack his disciples around. why should we? i know the WWJD thing is trite, especially from someone who has such a sometimey relationship with Him. but it does paralell, i think. a lot of AP moms i know subscribe to the gentle discipline philosophy. i like this one, but i think the name is a misnomer, and normalizes physical discipline. it's so so sad, that we tend to think children have to be 'broken' in order to be 'good.' i don't get it. but again, i have to cut this short, as peanut has PT this afternoon, and we must embark on bathtime.

a tiny rant.

i hang out on a birth club board, with lots of other mommies who've got kids born in march. it's cool, because i don't have any "real life" frame of reference, all the babies i know are either older or younger than peanut. but like, some things just baffle me. like, there was this whole "discipline" thread, with people referring to their kids as brats! at 11 months! i can't even imagine feeling that way about peanut. at least, not yet. she's strong willed (today, i've had to redirect her away from the stereo at LEAST 20 times) and spirited, but i think that's a GOOD thing. i'd rather have a kid who knows what she wants, than a passive, pliant, subserviant kid, y'know? like, on the one hand, i suspect it would be easier if she was passive, at least, at this age, but the thing is, she's going to be an adult a LOT longer than she's going to be a kid. and so, do i raise her in a way that's easier for me, or do i raise her in a way that will benefit her as an adult. this, to me, seems fairly obvious, and yet, i see so many of these mommies doing things like CIO, and 'hand tapping' which, i don't care what you call it, popping, tapping, whacking, smacking, spanking, what EVER, it's STILL hitting your child (but that's a whole other post) and i just can't see that being good for the babies in the LONG run. i mean, i know the argument, but i was spanked, and i'm fine, but are we? i find myself dealing with anger issues a lot, and i wonder if it doesn't go back to my dad, and his use of physical discipline. i mean, i was a straight brawler in school, and it takes a lot of effort on my part, NOT to resort to physical discipline. but i feel like it's vital to maintaining the trust between me and peanut, y'know? like, she's a genius, don't get me wrong, but at this point, i just don't think that she'd even be able to make the connection between touching the stereo and getting smacked. especially if i were smacking her for other things as well. all that would do, i think, would be to teach her that occasionally mommy hurts her. that's not healthy. and i guess what really fries me, is that in real world situations, you can't smack someone because they're doing something wrong. in daycare, the employees can't hit your kid. in school, the teachers can't hit your kid. and you can't hit another adult. so what is it, about birthing another tiny person, that suddenly makes hitting acceptable? it can't be the whole related aspect. i bet most people don't actively hit their parents. so clearly it's a power thing. it says, i am bigger than you, and i will use my physical advantage, to get you to conform to my expectations. that's so taliban. i mean, why not just stick em in a berka and tell em not to leave the house ever? i try to be respectful of the fact that people have a choice as to how to raise their kids. and that what works for me, might not work for another family. but hitting is just not acceptable. and, leaving your child to cry, because you don't want to 'spoil' them, is patently retarded. and leaving them to cry to 'teach' them to sleep, is even more retarded. it doesn't teach them to sleep. SLEEPING TEACHES THEM TO SLEEP! crying, teaches them to cry, and worse, it teaches them that their needs are only important when it's convienent for mommy and daddy. and that's not healthy either. they've done quantifiable studies which show that kids who experience prolonged crying in childhood are dumber