beach

so we went to the beach on sunday. and i have a tiny fish. i do. this was a much more sucsessful trip to the beach, than mothers day. we went in the ocean, and bobbed on waves, and discovered, that salty nursing is apparently a big hit. margarita boobs, or some such. we saw dolphins. like, close enough that we could have swam out and touched them. we didn't, of course, but it was still pretty cool. i love her smiles in the waves. her naked bum in the wind. intercepting her sanded hand before she swallows half the beach. i love every moment with her.

dreams

how small her ribs seem
too fragile to play airplane
the way we do
so she will giggle
and drool in my eye.
especially here in sleep,
as they move rhythmic with
her breathing
so reassuring
i could count them to infinity and back
tiny mouth moving on
imaginary breast
and my milk comes down
so i move close
and for now at least
revel in my ability to
make her dreams come true.

things i love about being her mommy

so while we were in shamokin, gene's mom got us a fisher-price kick-n-play chair. this is a chair, with an arch over it, that has lights and toys, and plays music and odd little sounds. so-i dutifully put her in it, and turn it on, and she kicks around at it, it makes some goofy noises at her, and she makes this little ET head-and kind of rolls her eyes at me, like, what the heck is this? then, i reach down to spin the little rolly ball with beads in it, and as i'm reaching down, she GRINS at me, and reaches up with her arms, like-pick me up! so of course, i do. and here i thought the CHAIR would teach cause and effect. lol. guess she already knows whats up.

and then today, i had a really bad migraine, so we stayed in bed till 6 pm, and she was so sweet. we nursed pretty much continuously, and she's got this new thing, where when i nurse her laying down, she holds on to my finger, or grabs some skin on my neck and holds on. its so sweet. i cannot imagine not nursing her. it makes me feel like i'm so totally in tune with her. love it. love her. i had no idea being a mom would be this emotional. rather, that it would make ME this emotional. but i wouldn't change it for the world.

snuzzle

her cheeks are so soft. she's doing this thing now, where when i put her up over my shoulder, she nuzzles her cheek against mine. and somehow, this makes her cheeks softer than when i nuzzle her, or thumb them while she nurses. tiny roses bloom under her skin. i always thought rosy cheeks was trite. an exultant to aryan expectation. how wrong i was. this proves health. proves her existance. proves my body knows of what it speaks, as milk flows. her tiny mouth a galaxy awaiting creation. i love her more than i ever thought possible.

oh the places you'll go

like, 16 hours in a car with a 3 month old. who won't take a bottle. i kinda long for the days when car safety wasn't so well known. but, we made it there, with only a few total meltdowns. and she charmed the pants off of her daddys folks. she smiled, and giggled, and was just all around a sweetie pie. and then we had to come home. and actually, she did better on the way home, in terms of being in the carseat. so that was good.

snuggle-bug

she is the biggest snuggle bug in the world! she loves to be held/worn all the time. this makes me happy, because i read dr sears fussy baby book (part of it, anyway) in a waiting room before she was born, and there was this whole thing about the uncuddly baby, and i was soooo worried that i'd have an uncuddly baby. but nope. she's much into snugglin and hangin out. she likes to look around while snugglin, but i can deal with that. i can't get over how much she changes. it's so fun to watch her grow. it seems hard to believe she was ever as little as when she was born. (she's doubled her birthweight and grown 6 in in 3 months. ) i can't get those folks who don't want to hold their babies or breastfeed. i dig the whole to each their own, but like, this is like crack, it's so addictive. :) my mom calls it baby heroin, cuz it makes you so relaxed, lol. its so sad that there are some moms who'll never get to expericence the awesome feeling it is to know your baby so well, that you can even tell when she has to pee. :( western parenting has a long road back to the good ol days

bucking tradition already.

they say babies like to recreate the womb
small-squished and dark.
she sleeps sprawled
eagle like
only 2 feet tall
she rules the bed
we must get a kingsize.

hangin on the sofa

chillin by the puter

shaq aint got nuthin

shes 25 in long. shes not even 3 mos yet. i gotta quit feedin her, lol.

early peanut-bird

i think she's teething, poor kid. i know its early, but her gums are so bumpy, and if shes fussy and i rub them, she chills. think i'll get those homeopathic teething tablets. they cant hurt.